Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Hurt, Anger, and Disappointment






This is always the busiest time of year! Between holidays, finals, and life I have been swamped.  Also this past weekend I had to deal with some long forgotten and shelved emotions.  Which leads me to this post. 

I realized something about myself as a woman as I was over-thinking a very serious financial dilemma with my late fathers estate.  Childhood memories are a very powerful thing.  They can bring back the most awful feelings you thought you had dealt with.  My feelings were the combination of hurt, anger, and disappointment.  They also just so happened to be boiling right under the surface waiting to be let out.  I guess this might explain my "brattiness"  or irritability with anyone and anything.  In any basic psychology course you learn from Freud that you are what you are because of your childhood and parents.  Now we all know Freud was a cocaine addict and was a whole LOT wrong on most of theories. 

The point that I'm getting at is this horrible rage I have pent up inside of me is something I struggle with.  I hold on to the rage as a source of strength, but in return it also is a heavy burden.  My thought process is that if I'm strong I have control, but deep down I'm tired.  I need someone to take the control and just let me be. I also know that letting go of that will be the hardest thing I have ever done.  It will be redefining who I  know myself to be. 

Anger is the most destructive emotion anyone can hold on too.  Its a cancer that eats at your soul.  

Scarlett O'Hara might have been unscrupulous and narcissistic but she's still my favorite heroine.  Probably because I can relate to life just being down right unfair at times.